


Sexpert

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: One Piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9063184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: Sometimes partying has some late side effects





	

To say that he had lax morals was kinda putting it loosely. When he went out and had a good time, he certainly had a good time. He was never one to turn down a party, and if an island was having some kind of festival or he won a great battle, he wasn’t going to turn down the festivities. Partying was part of the pirate’s life, and ever since he had set off to sea, there were very few times in which he had turned down a chance to have a good time.

There were really wasn’t much that he’d avoid doing when he was out and having a good time. He was very open to booze, women, and men. He did way crazier things when he was younger, but in the more recent years (while his crew was likely to deny it) he had calmed down a fair bit. Gone were the days of the wild drunk sex from his youth. There were too many scares of both disease and assassination attempts (while both of them were either nude or close to it), and probably too many times where rookie mistakes were made when someone got hurt. Condoms and lube were now things that he had on his person at almost all times. But they were most certainly there when he went out partying. He knew what he was doing. And after a lot of trial and error he felt it was safe to say he was a master at this kind of thing, and knew how to do it the right way.

But to say he had calmed down, didn’t mean that he stopped at all. If some hot little thing came by and wanted him to have his way with them, and he could be mostly sure that they weren’t going to do horrible things (in the unsexual way) to him, he was probably gonna let them if he wasn’t preoccupied with having (nonsexual) fun with his crew. While he was a man of lax morals, he still had some, and some standards. He wasn’t just going to let anyone do what they wanted to him.

This time while he was out at a bar on a island that he hadn’t visited for a while. It was a bar that he had partied at before, but it had been forever since he partied here. He had been on the floor dancing for a while when a woman started dancing with him. He liked her style, but he wasn’t one to make the first move. He was a known and wanted man, and he felt that that meant that if he wanted to get together with anyone there he could, but it also wasn’t as good if the other person was only there because his reputation implied that he could probably kill them if they didn’t comply. And that not only wasn’t good, but it was no fun in the least and wouldn’t even be something that he’d want to start. And in fairness, letting them come to him was something that he wanted in this case anyways.

And if she so wanted, he wasn’t going to turn her down. She was young, but she was in no way a child. She had to be somewhere in her mid-twenties. That wasn’t too much of an age gap. Or at least he thought it wasn’t until he could hear his crew giving him a hard time.

“Hey captain, she looks young enough to be your kid.”

“I think she even has your eyes.”

It wasn’t uncommon for his crew to tease him and his partner for the evening, but this was different. Thinking back, it had to have been somewhere like twenty years since he had been here, because this was an island he had visited while he was still one of Roger’s crew. And he was pretty sure that he hooked up with someone here. There was a chance that it was a girl, and there was no way that he remembered if he wore a condom that night or not.

Now he couldn’t help but think of all the one night stands he had had with women when he was younger, and how many of them he was pretty sure he didn’t have a condom on. His kids would be getting on in years if that was the case, and a lot of them would probably be old enough to go to bars by now, or at least be getting close to.

And now that he was getting a closer look at her, she did have his eyes, and maybe even his lips. This wasn’t going to happen. Nope. Never. What was she even doing in a place with losers like him what was this? Why was he thinking overly fatherly thoughts about her? He hadn’t been in her life for even an hour and there was no way of him knowing that she was one of his except that her eyes were exactly like his.

He was going to have to share this knowledge with the younger generations. Because he had really low standards when he was younger and he thought a lot with his dick, and there was a lot of kids that were setting out to sea, and he had to make sure that one day that they didn’t accidentally boink one of their kids on their later travels. He wasn’t sure if he was so lucky to say that he was allowed to say that because he had no idea.

There was one crew that he had to talk to, because they were a very promising group and he didn’t want them to have to worry about stuff like this when they’re older, because now that he was thinking about the kind of life he lead it was kind of gross, because his demographic was big, and maybe a little too vast and he should narrow it down to people in his age range. Because there was no way that they’d be one of his if they were his age.

But he’d worry about where he’d put his dick later, because now they had to head to the new world right now and find them and share this vital information. This would be one of the only times that he’d be leaving a party early and not have at least one person on his arm. The only person that he was going to go dad now, was Luffy, and by extension all of the Strawhats.

“Shanks, you can’t just run across the Grandline to check on him. He’s a grown man, and he’s got plenty of capable crewmates. You’ve seen their bounties and you’ve read every article that there is about them. Not to mention you did your research. You know that they’re capable kids.” Benn told the pacing Shanks.

“But I didn’t teach him anything about this kinda thing. What if he doesn’t even know what hole to stick it in? I’m not his dad but I’m close enough at this point. I gotta teach him these facts of life and these are really important things to know.”

“I’m sure he knows what sex is, Shanks. He’s seventeen years old. I’m sure that he knows at least some things about it.”

“But what if he doesn’t. What if his crew doesn’t know? I have to go over there, Benn! I’m sure Yasopp wants to know that his son isn’t sticking his dick in any weird holes!”

“Shanks, I know you only want the best for him, but you can’t go all the way over there to tell him about sex. We both know that that’s not the reunion that you want.”

“But it’s the one we need!”

“Shanks, if you’re so concerned, then you can write a letter to him. It doesn’t have the face to face value, but it’s still something.”

“But what if he can’t read it!?”

“He’s seventeen, Shanks. And even if he can’t then he can get someone on his crew to read it to him. At least one of them should be able to read your chicken scratch.”

“Fiiiiiine.”

He was lucky knew a guy who’d be fine with letting him borrow their bird to send the message. He didn’t want Marines on either of their asses because he wanted to warn him about unsafe and reckless sex. The black market was a great place.

“Luffy, I write to you now as a warning for you and your crews’ futures. I’m telling you this so you do not make the same mistakes I have.

If you’re going to have sex with someone, always make sure that they’re around your age. And always be sure to use a condom and lube. You can’t go wrong by adding a little lube to almost any sex scenarios. Please learn from my mistakes, because if not, you might find yourself at a bar with a young girl and not know if she’s your daughter or not.

Take care,

Shanks”


End file.
